Monogamy was introduced into Christianity at the time of Paul when many
revisions took
place in Christianity. This was done in order for the church to conform
to the Greco-Roman
culture where men were monogamous but owned many slaves who were free
for them to use:
In other words, unrestricted polygamy.
Early Christians invented ideas that women were "full of sin" and man
was better off to
"never marry." Since this would be the end of mankind these same people
compromised and
said "marry only one."
In the American society many times when relations are strained, the
husband simply deserts
his wife. The he cohabits with a prostitute or other immoral woman
without marriage.
Actually there are three kinds of polygamy practiced in Western societies:
1.serial polygamy, that is, marriage, divorce, marriage, divorce,
and so on any number of
times;
2.a man married to one woman but having and supporting one or
more mistresses;
3.an unmarried man having a number of mistresses.
Islam condones but discourages the first and forbids the other two.
Wars cause the number of women to greatly exceed the number of men.
In a monogamous
society these women, left without husbands or support, resort to prostitution,
illicit
relationships with married men resulting in illegitimate children with
no responsibility on the
part of the father, or lonely spinsterhood or widowhood.
Some Western men take the position that monogamy protects the rights
of women. But are
these men really concerned about the rights of women? The society has
so many practices
which exploit and suppress women, leading to women's liberation movements
from the
suffragettes of the early twentieth century to the feminists of today.
The truth of the matter is that monogamy protects men, allowing them
to "play around"
without responsibility. Easy birth control and easy legal abortion
has opened the door of
illicit sex to woman and she has been lured into the so-called sexual
revolution. But she is
still the one who suffers the trauma of abortion and the side effects
of the birth control
methods. Taking aside the plagues of venereal disease, herpes and AIDS,
the male continues
to enjoy himself free of worry. Men are the ones protected by monogamy
while women
continue to be victims of men's desires. Polygamy is very much opposed
by the male
dominated society because it would force men to face up to responsibility
and fidelity. It
would force them to take responsibility for their polygamous inclinations
and would protect
and provide for women and children.
Among all the polygamous societies in history there were none which
limited the number of
wives. All of the relationships were unrestricted. In Islam, the regulations
concerning
polygamy limit the number of wives a man can have while making him
responsible for all of
the women involved.
"Marry women of your choice, two or three or four;
but if you fear that you
shall not be able to deal justly with them, then
only one or one that your right
hands possess. That will be more suitable, to prevent
you from doing injustice."
(Qur'an 4:3)
This verse from the Qur'an allows a man to marry more than one woman
but only if he can
deal justly with them. Another verse says that a person is unable to
deal justly between
wives, thus giving permission but discouraging.
"You will never be able to deal justly between wives
however much you desire
(to do so). But (if you have more than one wife)
do not turn altogether away
(from one), leaving her in suspense..." (Qur'an
4:129)
While the provision for polygamy makes the social system flexible enough
to deal with all
kinds of conditions, it is not necessarily recommended or preferred
by Islam. Taking the
example of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) is instructive.
He was married to
one woman, Khadijah, for twenty-five years. It was only after her death
when he had reached
the age of fifty that he entered into other marriages to promote friendships,
create alliances or
to be an example of some lesson to the community; also to show the
Muslims how to treat
their spouses under different conditions of life.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) was given inspiration from Allah about
how to deal with
multiple marriages and the difficulties encountered therein. It is
not an easy matter for a man
to handle two wives, two families, and two households and still be
just between the two. No
man of reasonable intelligence would enter into this situation without
a great deal of thought
and very compelling reasons (other than sexual).
Some people have said that the first wife must agree to the second marriage.
Others have said
that the couple can put it into the marriage contract that the man
will not marry a second wife.
First of all, neither the Qur'an nor Hadith state that the first wife
need be consulted at all
concerning a second marriage let alone gain her approval. Consideration
and compassion on
the part of the man for his first wife should prompt him to discuss
the matter with her but he
is not required to do so or to gain her approval. Secondly, the Qur'an
has explicitly given
permission for a man to marry "two or three or four." No one has the
authority to make a
contract forbidding something that has been granted by Allah.
The bottom line in the marriage relationship is good morality and happiness,
creating a just
and cohesive society where the needs of men and women are well taken
care of. The present
Western society, which permits free sex between consenting adults,
has given rise to an
abundance of irresponsible sexual relationships, an abundance of "fatherless"
children, many
unmarried teenage mothers; all becoming a burden on the country's welfare
system. In part,
such an undesirable welfare burden has given rise to bloated budget
deficits which even an
economically powerful country like the United States cannot accommodate.
Bloated budget
deficits have become a political football which is affecting the political
system of the United
States.
In short, we find that artificially created monogamy has become a factor
in ruining the family
structure, and the social, economic and political systems of the country.
It must be a prophet, and indeed it was Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon
him) who
directed Muslims to get married or observe patience until one gets
married. 'Abdullah b.
Mas'ud reported Allah's messenger as saying, "Young man, those of you
who can support a
wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking at strange women and
preserves you from
immorality; but those who cannot should devote themselves to fasting,
for it is a means of
suppressing sexual desire." (Bukhari and Muslim)
Islam wants people to be married and to develop a good family structure.
Also Islam realizes
the requirements of the society and the individual in special circumstances
where polygamy
can be the solution to problems. Therefore, Islam has allowed polygamy,
limiting the number
of wives to four, but does not require or even recommend polygamy.
In the Muslim societies of our times, polygamy is not frequently practiced
despite legal
permission in many countries. It appears that the American male is
very polygamous, getting
away with not taking responsibility for the families he should be responsible
for.
Mary Ali
(Note: In this article polygamy has been used to mean polygamy meaning
having two or
more wives. Islam forbids polyandry meaning having two or more husbands.)
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